Getting the Kids Involved

At the end of the school week, Easter weekend, we decided to sit the kids down and tell them what was going on. After everything else I had already been through this was going to be IMPOSSIBLE to keep from the kids, especially since I was being admitted to the hospital on Monday. It was actually easier than I thought it would be. We sat all the kids down and told them that Mommy had to go in for more surgery. I told them that I had cancer and needed the surgery to get rid of it. I asked them if they understood what was going on with me and did they have any questions about it. The youngest, who was five, didn't understand what any of it meant, which was probably a good thing. It really didn't affect him in any way. He just asked if Mommy was going to die and when we told him everything was going to be okay he went about playing. The middle child, who was eleven, was quiet as usual. He said he understood what was going on and that I was going to be okay. The oldest, who was 14, leaned toward her grandmother and started crying. She understood what I was going through, but wanted to know how this would affect her. I told her it wouldn't affect her as there was no other family history and what I had was most likely due to all the stress I had been under.

Later that night, after we got home, the kids went about their usual activities. I pulled out the pamphlet with wigs and hats that I picked up at the doctor's office and asked my daughter to help me pick out a good style and color wig for me. We went through the pamphlet together and discussed what might look good on me. I think it made her feel a little better to be a part of the process. She did see a few hats that she wanted. My eleven-year-old later came over and also looked through the pamphlet with me. Looking through the pamphlet with me gave the kids a sense that they were helping take care of me.

The next day the kids helped me to get my things together and packed for the hospital. Later that day we went shopping for the few things I still needed. While at the store my daughter agreed that she would wear a pink blouse (she HATES that color) on the day of my surgery.

Monday morning we got the kids up and ready for school. The youngest stayed the night with Grandmother since we had to be at the hospital before he had to be to Pre-K. My husband left with my daughter to drop her off at her school. I was home with my son getting him ready to get on his bus for school. He broke down and started crying. I asked him what was wrong and got the usual response - "I don't know". I finally got out of him that he wanted to go with my husband and I to the hospital. He wanted to make sure I was doing okay. I called his school to let them know what was going on. They told me that they thought it was a good idea and not to worry. It was raining pretty heavy that morning. It was actually nice having Anthony with us to help us carry in all my bags. He stayed the whole day with me trying to make my room feel comfortable and a little like home. He drew his Bob-the-Monkey creation on the dry erase board for me and also in a notebook I had with me. Around dinner time he left with my husband, feeling much better about leaving me alone.

As soon as school began the counselor at my daughter's school called her to her office. She spoke with her about what was happening to me and let her know she was there for her. The counselor told her that if she started feeling sad or scared about what was happening to me that she could tell her teachers she needed to see the counselor and they would let her go. The counselor also sent an e-mail to all of her teachers letting them know what was going on so they would know. When I later talked to my daughter about her visit to the counselor she was smiling and said "She gave me chocolate". Anything to make my Baby Girl smile!!!

The next school day the same thing happened for my son. After school started his counselor called him into her office for the same discussion. She also sent an e-mail to his teachers to let them know what was going on. He also received chocolate. Anything to make my Cuddlebug smile!!!